Friday, May 29, 2009

Are fat people REALLY jolly??

In my humble opinion, there are 3 types of fat people in the world. No, let me amend that- there are 3 types of fat WOMEN in the world, and I single out women, because I rarely see the following behaviors in men.Whether that's due to the fact that chubbiness is more accepted in men than in women, I feel that that is definitely a factor, so without further adieu, here is my highly personal and most unscientific 'report' , and if I offend anyone, well...... so what.

1) The Happy Fatty
The happy fatty is the woman who most likely has had weight issues her entire life, and is very comfortable with her size, and therefore tends to exude an air of self-confidence and self- acceptance. She's fat, she knows it, and she doesn't really care who 'approves' of her size or not. She dresses well( you'll never see an undersized belly shirt on THIS gal!), and her overall aforementioned demeanor makes one forget her size, and focus on the PERSON instead.
2) The Angry(but only at herself) Fatty
The above named fatty is a woman who has let herself go( hey, we ALL have, at some point, haven't we?), and isn't feeling too good about it. You can tell by her body language that she is definitely NOT comfortable in either her skin, or her clothes, and she wears her self-consciousness like a scarlet A on her chest. She is angry, to be sure, but not at anyone but herself. While she was stupid enough to make poor choices regarding food and lack of exercise, she is inherently smart enough to know that it was SHE that got herself on the fat track to the nearest Lane Bryant, and that it would be grossly unfair and unappealing to blame everyone in the universe, her husband, men in general, etc for her weight issues. She doesn't let her anger and self-loathing negatively affect her relationships, or her interactions with the everday world, and because of that, you find yourself secretly cheering her on to get back on the healthier living track.
3) The Angry, ANGRY Fatty
The angry, ANGRY fatty has got to be the most reviled, obnoxious, hateful woman to walk the planet. She can relate to the previous fatties in that she can either be a forever fatty, or one who has just gotten plain lazy, but this is ALL that she has in common with numbers 1 and 2. The angry ANGRY is reviled , obnoxious and hateful, because while it is HER fault that she resembles a beachball on toothpicks, she is going to blame everyone else for her misery, and damnit, we are ALL going to pay for making her that way. The angry ANGRY tends to use coarse language on a regular basis; referring to her ex boyfreind as a douchebag, or calling the so called skinny gal in the office a 'c u next t' is not below this gal's standards. She feels no anger towards HERSELF for the fact that she is forced to dress in mu-mu's that even your grandma would eschew; no, in her mind, it is the fault of Hugh Hefner, her boyfriend who happens to innocently check out a pretty girl walking by , snack cake manufacturers, fast food chains, Budweiser...ANYONE but herself. While it is true that American society wrongly covets the young and very thin,that still should give no woman license to be a miserable bitch towards anyone who happens to be a shade or two thinner than she is. The angry ANGRY is the type of gal who will mumble 'slut' under her breath when a hottie walks by, or who will verbally tear apart the classmate who has *God forbid* taken pride in herself, looks great, and dresses to show it. She exudes the utter disdain she is feeling towards her body, and the permanent scowl on her overly made up face is akin to a cobra showing it's hood; one finds onself running away from her as fast as they can. And yes, she is stupid, because while she is so busy being permanently pissed off, she has blinded gherself to the fact that size really doesn't matter if the person inside of the fat suit is a good, likeable, genuinely fun to be around person.